Go online, find a copy of Illustrator 10 and KPT vector effects for AI....download and install both....find KPT Warp Frame under Effects....use it...love it....curse the day corel bought KPT and updates in Illy outdated thr best damned plugin Illustrator ever saw.
OR...find an old Mac (pre-OSX), then find TYPESTYLER.
Best old program we'll never see again, as far as text and text manipulation.